Saturday 10 July 2021

Dare not clip my wings

'Don't be gendered!'
'Not All n3m!'
'I'm a humanist, not a feminist.'
'You're turning into a Feminazi.'
'I was just kidding.'

How about - Don't tell me what to think, how to feel, how to act, unless I invite your entitled and intrusive opinion?

How about - Do not tell me who to be, unless my existence is 'harming' you, yours, or other humans?

How about - Leave my space if you do not like the sheer amount of self-work I put in to reach a point where I can speak my boundaries clearly?

How about - Do not assume my consent, just because I am nice?

How about - keep your labels to yourself and shove them up where they belong!

No, you were not kidding. Let me explain to you. Won3m have been conditioned for centuries, and ever since in living memory, to play it small. to behave like docile little doves, like mothers, like 'easy', like prudes, like uptights, like sluts. 100s of lables - moody, tantrum-throwing, drama queen, husband-beater, and what not have been attached to them. What you (n3m) actually have been using these lables is for clipping our wings, and justifying your juvenile behaviour.

You weren't called out for so many years, decades, generations. Today you're being called out, and you don't like it. I understand it, but you really need to take it gracefully. Not because there's a vendetta, but because I will be who I will be, not necessarily in sync with who YOU want me to be.

The thing is, my deal n3mfolk, is simple.

1. I tell you not to respond to me a certain way, you stop!
2. I tell you not to hug me a certain way, you stop.
3. I tell you I want to sleep in my bed, and not share yours, you fucking listen!

Nope! No don't speak that stuff about - oh but a relationship is supposed to be both ways. Maybe. You state your needs. I state mine. If they are compatible we proceed, if I tell you a 'no' don't negotiate. OK? If you're that sort of a man, I might consider your consent just as equal as that of mine.

On the contrary, don't treat me like a little dove, who is getting detatched from this world too much too soon. If I am doing so, it's my prerogative, it's my right.

Do not manspread. Just because I share my number with you, doesn't mean I want to talk to you randomly. Just because I say a gentle 'I love you' to you, I do not want you to 'manspread into my bedroom, or in my physical space, I do not want you to crawl into my inbox. Just because I invite you over for the lunch, doesn't mean I want you to invite you to hook up with me.

Won3m, do not let them convince you, argue with you, debate with you. You do not have to get into debates about your choices as long as you're not harming them. You do not have to live by their standards. Tell them 'no' as much as you feel like. You do not have to listen to their understanding of your heart, or your mind. You have to listen to YOUR understanding of it.

You do not have to clip your wings just because it's convenient (you might still do so). You do not have to tell other won3m, that it is not right to feel like you want to spend your life by yourself. You do not have to tell other won3m that they shouldn't feel sad. You do not have to set a pity party. Do not victimize other won3m, do not victim shame them, but do not pity them either please. 


At least not with me.

I will not allow anyone to clip my wings, to convince me how I should conduct my personal life or my business (specially when I do not intrude their boundaries, when I do not harm them or their loved ones or even others in general, when I do not bully anyone). However, you intrude my space once! Just once, I have had it. I will pour fire, rain acid, and lash my tongue at you with so much caustic, that you won't even know what hit you.

Get it? Good. Don't get it? Good anyway!


#चेतो_दर्पण_मार्जनम्_अनुपमा - Musings Post  10 - 10.07.2021 

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