Saturday 29 August 2015

My Birthday

Yes, I know it's been some time since I wrote a post. I have been recently struggling with myself really hard. Trying to give up on a lot of resentment, doing some psycho-emotional experiments,

But all of that for later. Right now, I want to look a month and four days back into my memories, also since some people have shared them with me. And I want to share with you why was my birthday so so special this year.

Partly, because I missed family, but this year in a good way. Partly because unlike last year, this year it was just so much celebration. Unlike last two years, this year I had already seen my family in the month of May and so I wasn't in an overwhelmingly lonely emotional state.

But mostly, because I was cherished and loved so so much.

I had 3 parties, 3 cakes, including one baked at home. I so want to share with you some amazingly happy and loving, family away from home pictures.

1. Home baked cake at a very close friend's place:
2. At work :

3. And at home away from home:

This was an evening so happy and loving. I do not remember a happier evening in my entire 7-8 years in Delhi. And here's a happy picture with the happy people and the yum cake:

4. And of course, there's no counting of the blessing, love, affection and so much warmth that was sent my way through social media, phone, messages and every other possible medium.

All I want to say to you is this :

Thanks people for sending your thoughts, messages, voices and love my way.

Thanks Annie, for baking the cake. Bhak for the organizing.

Thanks my team of colleagues for making me feel cherished with so much warmth, so many smiles.

And thanks Dada, Bhabhi, Uncle Ji, Fr. for being an extended family - a home away from home. For cooking my favourite dishes for me, for blessing me, for feeding me, nurturing me, for making me and my day feel so so so special.

And Mom, Dad, Bhai, Guds, I love you guys so much and see, there are so many people who love me because of the love that you've taught me to share ! Thank you for being with me always, in frames, out of them, on birthdays, on other days, and every day that you can. I missed you guys a lot !

©Anupama Garg 2015 August

Saturday 8 August 2015

Do You Love me?

Do you love me ??

I'm sure literally every one has heard this question and almost everyone asks it. The tone might vary, someone may beg, someone may plead, another may demand, fight, quarrel, try to claim, possess and whatever else it may be. Directly or indirectly, the underlying question will be ALWAYS - Do you love me?

In this post, I will not do philosophy around it, nor is my intent to ask anyone if they love me. My intent is to examine whether I love the people who ask / have asked me this question?

Here's to you, the silent questioner type of people

When you ask me with those sad, distant eyes; or the chirpy ones, excited about meeting me, but not sure if you should ask me the question; I KNOW exactly what you want to ask. Do I love you?

Your quest for my love may not necessarily be sexual in nature, or it may be. You desire may be to just connect with me, or to silently hope to find love in your life VIA me.

And yes, I love you. Even if not for sexual attraction, I love you for your desire itself. I love you for you breathe, for your desire, for you're still alive. I love you for the control you can exercise while not asking that question that so lurks on your lips.

I may not love you the way you want me to, but I love you.

To you, the bold and aggressive

When you approach me like a typical alpha male, hoping to melt me in your arms; when you approach me attracted to me for my brains but eventually wanting to connect with me much more than that; when you ask me that question, looking directly into my eyes; I know what you're asking.

Do I love you? Yes, in a different manner than you love me, in a different way than you want me to love you, but the fact is that I love you too. I love you for your aggression, I love you for the go-getter energy you have, I love you for you're vocal about what you want.

And again, I may not love you the way you want me to, but I love you.

To you, the selfless 
Yes mom, every time I say 'I love you' to you, I love you. And you too dad. And you, my siblings; you who shared the same womb and got nurtured by the same blood and soul as me. You're my soulmates, in the real sense.

I may be insensitive to you, may keep our phone calls short, get irate; I may fail you and annoy you to no end, you're the ones, who never ask me if I love you.

You just believe it and I DO love you. You're right, I love you. And you guys don't have to say 'thank you munna' or 'thank you jiji'. Just say 'we love you too' and I'm as happy as I can ever be:)

I DO love you.

To you the old souls
 All of you, the fellow travelers on the road called life. I love you too. Some of you ask me this question in your friendly ways, some of you through the declaration of your love before you wait for me to respond, some of you claim my love by rejecting mine.

To every spirit in this world who's empathized with the question - Do you love me?

Yes! I do love you.

You're a part of this universe that my soul shares with yours.

And I may not love you the way you seek, but I do do do love you!

I love you!

©Anupama Garg 2015 August