Monday 27 July 2015

The Men in My life - Dad

So this series of posts is dedicated to all the men in my life. I will mostly avoid taking names, but these are men of all sorts - men of family, kith & kin, friends, lovers, prey, predators, mentors and every other dimension that you can think of.

These are men who have moulded me, men who have shaped me, who have weakened me, who have strenthened me.

And once I am able to write about them, I will also write about their women - their mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends, even aunts, and their reaction towards my presence in these men's lives and their presence in mine.

Let's begin with the first set of men - men in immediate family. What better man to start with except the man who brought me into this world. My father !

My father lives healthy at an age of almost 56 (I'm not a bad daughter, but I can't remember birthdays, even those of the immediate family). He's employed, functional, an academic in his own right.

A man of very few words at some times and almost verbiloquous at others, we're talking of a man of deeper and more profound thought than many other men I've seen. We're talking about a man who deeply believed in nurturing kids and human lives.

We're talking of a young father who spares 1/6th of his salary towards his children's reading and music training, a father who spends 95 % of his time outside his job with his children, a father who sets the priority right. Education followed by diet followed by clothing and shelter followed by luxury.

We're talking of a father who also has siblings without children or siblings who aren't married. A father who wants his children to not be brainwashed and yet be able to give pleasure to the extended family, children who are proud but not egoistic, children who are vocal but not loquacious.

We're talking of a father, who doesn't treat his children like property, who is able to talk about sex as openly as he is able to talk about work or music or studies. We're talking of a deeply spiritual person who is capable of questioning the dogma. We're talking of a person who has inculcated both leadership as well as follower qualities in his children, who has focused on moral science and ethics more than the focus on Business Administration or accounting or biology.

A father who says that people should study science because it gives you an approach to study and  arts because it gives you an approach to life, cannot be a common man no matter how common he is.

Of course he's a human being, of course there are planning issues (no one can plan their and their children's lives to the t), of course there are temperamental weaknesses, but we are talking of love, affection, responsibility and a VERY STRONG desire to give the children a good life.

And that should tell you why I am the kind of headstrong and yet family-oriented woman that I am !

Today when I am 31, I know this one Man has made ALL the difference !

Thank you papa!

©Anupama Garg 2015 July

Thursday 9 July 2015

Forever... goodbye

Lion, this is not for you,
you were meant to roar.
Rule the jungle, find your lioness,
and let your dreams together soar.

Dragon, nor is it for you,
you're meant to breathe hot fire.
You already have a dragon heart,
to fulfill every desire.

Bunny, it's not even about you,
you're meant to go around hopping.
To fuck and enjoy,to keep making love,
you're meant to be groped and groping.

This is not for you man either,
you're a rational being, a Dom.
If not for lesser mortals like me,
for higher purposes you were born.

But this is for you my love,
you whom I loved with my heart, blood and soul.
And this is for you my love,
you whose heart is made of gold.

And you too, my long lost love,
you who licked my tears off my cheeks.
And for you, who pecked at my soul,
like a mother hen peaks at her babies' beaks.

This is for you my last love,
you who licked my wounds and pain.
You who left me alone, coz that made sense,
you, for whose leaving, I don't complain.

And for you my broken heart,
who aches with desire,
for the eternal blood sucking vampire.

To you my shattered soul,
as your pieces are played with like balls in golf.
And you my numb body,
as you crave for your werewolf.

And to you who strip your true self bare,
yes you, who crave for that grizzly bear.

It is to you that I say goodbye,
to you whom I don't see eye to eye.

I implore....
... just say goodbye

My wounds ooze and cry..
... please say goodbye

May your dreams soar high.
... good. bye.

To the moon may you fly...
... move on..

Don't worry, let me cry,
you fly, goodbye

Don't worry, if I die,
I love you,

To you my love...
...forever, goodbye.

©Anupama Garg 2015 July

Saturday 4 July 2015

The Monkey God who gave golden discs to the old ma

So, this one's coming right from my Grandma's chest. Both figuratively and literally for I fealth her breath calm as she would narrate this to me, my head in her lap. The fact is that I've been raised in a Hindu household and in a Marwari family,and brought up with lots and lots of childhood stories out of my grandma's chest.And true , her heart was a chest of age old wisdom, faith, devotion and the simplistic love that generation held for their family toddlers !

So, this particular story used to be a Tuesday special. I've narrated it in Marwari first and the English translation has followed with a few lines about what this story does to me even now, when I'm almost 31, every time I listen to it, or narrate it to anyone who understands the language.

The dialect I've used is not standard I believe, but I've tried to be loyal to my grandma's pronunciation, as much as I could. And I've attempted to use a picture of the Ghati wale Hanumaan ji, thanks again to my grand mother's devout faith in that temple in that particular deity and temple.

एक बाला साब की डोकरी ही । रोज दो रोठ करती, एक आप खाती, एक बाला साब न खवाती । एक दिन डोकरी न बुखार आग्यो । रोठा तो पोया, पण मिन्दर कोन'गी ।
बाला साब आया -  "डोकरी, डोकरी, रोठ !"
" म्हाराज, चूल्हा लारै पड़्या है । "

बाला साब जो - गंवहां का रोठ ले ग्या, सोना रूपा का धर ग्या।
पाड़ोसण आँच लेबा आई । सोना रूपा का चक्कर देख्या तो राजा कन` जा`र बोली "म्हाराज थाने सोहवै कै डोकरी नै सोहवै ?"

राजो रागड्यो निर्भागी;बी की मत मारी'गी - "म्हाने सोहवै, डोकरी नै काँई सोहवै ।" बो डोकरी नै बुलाई। राजा रोठ लेवै, जो - गंवहां का हो जावै; डोकरी लेवै, सोना रूपा का हो जावै ।
"बोल डोकरी ! कुण का चोर ल्याई ? कुण नै मार ल्याई?"
"म्हाराज, कोई का चोर ल्याई, न  कोई नै मार ल्याई । मनै म्हारा बालाजी म्हाराज टूठ्या । "
"देख डोकरी! साँची बोल, नहीं तो सूळी पर चढ़ा द्यूंला ।"
डोकरी लाण कण जाणै न कामण  - "म्हाराज कण जाणूँ न कामण, मनै तो म्हारा बालाजी म्हाराज टूठ्या ।" राजा डोकरी नै कोटड़ी मैँ घला दी । डोकरी लाण बाला साब को नाम ले र सोगी ।

रात का राजा का सपना म बालाजी म्हाराज आया । " देख रै राजा ! डोकरी का दो रोठ पाछी दे दीजै नहीं तो थारी सोना की नगरी की लंका बाळ द्यूंला!"
राजा की बुद्धि ठाणे आई। सुबह होतां ही डोकरी न बुला'र रोठा पाछी दिया । "लै अयै डोकरी, म्हें तनै टूठ्या !"
डोकरी ठैरी बाला साब की भगत - " म्हाराज थे टूठता तो इतरा दिन टूठता , मनै म्हारा बालाजी म्हाराज टूठ्या । "
डोकरी रोठ ले`र घरै चले`गी ।

हे बालाजी महाराज ! डोकरी नै टूठ्या जिस्या सक्कळ नै टूठजो, राजा नै रूस्या जिस्या कोई नै मत रूठजो । घटती की पूरी करजो, पूरी का परमाण छोड़जो । दो नाम घटता, दो नाम बढ़ता ! 

English Translation
Once upon a time ( I know stereotypical, but afterall it's my grandma narrating this story ! :)
So, once upon a time, there was a devotee of Sri Hanumaan Ji. An old, venerable grandma, who used to cook two thick chapatis in her fireplace. She would go to the Hanumaan temple daily, without fail and offer one roti to Sri Hanumaan ji and eat the other as prasad.

One day, the grandma fell sick and couldn't visit the temple. Such was the power of her devotion that Hanumaan Ji came to her house and asked for his roti. When she told Him that the rotis were lying behind the small alcove where she used to cook them, He picked up the wheat - barley chapatis and replaced them with Gold and silver discs.

Now, those were days when people would keep at least some light in either their fireplaces, or their lamps or lanterns. It was rare in a household to not have some light which could be used to light a fire. 

But then if THAT would be true, how would women folk (specially the younger ones, with their mothers-in-law and sisters-in-law, watching them constantly), get an opportunity to talk to the neighbouring woman? :)

But no one minded going to our grandma's place, for she was well respected, humble, pious and non-gossiper. And it so happened that a neighboring woman came to ask for some fire. Since the old ma was sick, the neighbour went to the alcove to take fire herself and saw the gleaming precious disks.

Now, this neighbor obviously got jealous and complained to the King. Apparently the king wasn't easy to satisfy when it came to his greed despite his huge wealth. But to his dismay, the moment  he touched the discs, they got converted to normal rotis.

Our grandma was summoned and questioned. Poor, simple and humble as she was, she denied all accusations of robbery, theft or stealing. She simply said - "Hanumaan ji had come and must have kept them near the alcove!"And as obvious as that is, she was not believed and sentenced to death after a day on imprisonment.

That night a miracle happened! The king dreamt that he was visited by a very angry Hanumaan Ji ! Hanumaan ji destroyed his beautiful city, just like he'd done to the opulent Lanka! The king was trembling, shivering and was hoping for Hanumaan Ji to calm down, as the great Monkey- God roared, thumped, jumped furiously calling out for the king.

It took king superhuman effort to present himself and offer his obeisances. It was then that Hanumaan Ji told the king that if out of greed the king kills the old ma, his city would burn just like Lanka did.

Such a scary dream it was that the king woke up with a jolt. Sweat broke on his face as he noticed with relief that it was only a dream. He immediately called his jailor and asked him to remove the lady from the prison and put her into the kingly abode.

In the morning the first thing he did was summon his court and return the precious discs to the ols ma saying - " I'm happy with you and I give you back these discs as a reward to your honesty. "

The old ma as simple she might be, was certainly not gullible and a fool. She folded her hands, covered her head, remembered Sri Hanumaan Ji and said - "Maharaj! If you were the one rewarding me these, you'd have done it all these years, it's my Hanumaan Ji who blessed me!"


And with this, MY grandmother would fold her hands, cover her head and remember her Ishta Dev, the so-called Monkey God, the Devotee God, Sri Hanumaan Ji, who had delievered her so many times. She'd pray to Him to bless the entireuniverse, the way He did to the old woman, and not get angry at anyone like He did to the king. My grandma would hope that she's chanted sufficient names and would forgiveness for any wrong counts.

And... I know it for a fact, that my parents would narrate these stories back to my children. And some day, if I become a grandma, I will do the same - fold my hands and narrate the story of the woman who got golden discs for her devoted rotis.

Disclaimer - This is a very traditional story. My copyright is only for my style, not the content of the story.

©Anupama Garg 2015 July

Thursday 2 July 2015

10 Aphrodisiacs for My Orgasms

1. Books

I love them!! They're orgasmic ! And this, only a book lover can understand. They come in all shapes, sizes, colors, genres, price ranges... and each of them tickles the grey cells that make me step into a different world.
They make me wonder about the world, about myself, about people, about life, about every thing the written word can communicate and about everything that it can't ! They have been the first love of my life and I wonder if I'll ever break up with them??

2. Music
All sorts, except western. Folk, Bollywood, Classical, Rabindra Sangeet, instrumental, vocal, devotional, sufi,everything and anything is a mind-shattering experience. And if I understand the lyrics it's even better!

It's interesting how instant a turn off can western music be for me, unless it's an exceptionally soft romantics from the likes of the Titanic. So THIS one is actually what my psychoemotional orgasmic states can vary because of.

3. Erotica
Does this come as a surprise. I'm sorry if I shocked you, but I'm not sorry to list this one here. However, please know that this is not the same as a porn flick. I am talking once again, my dear reader, of the written word - I am talking of the written erotica !

I am by no means talking of the sleazy Savita Bhabhi or the Mast Ram (never read them beyond a borrowed book or two), and nor am I talking of the graphic descriptions of what they publish on 100s of porn sites. I am talking of the classy sensual, control and D/s oriented well-written erotic literature.
Not the steaming creampie stories, but the mild love making combined with age difference, leadership, submission and a lot more.

4. Pain
Now this one's a little complicated. This is about what makes me who I am. I have ever since enjoyed masochism of an intellectual sort. No, am not talking of the pain that I felt when my brother was critical. That was sheer misery!

Do not please mistake me! As anal as I am about my word choice, I do NOT enjoy misery at all, but pain. And this emotional craving for pain makes me fall into bad relationships, because most 'good' men cannot relate with this need in a woman. More so, when it manifests further in the physicality it's easy for any man to get freaked out.

But what you really have to understand is that I acknowledge this desire and I would never EVER in my dreams thinking of imposing it on a non-consenting person in a non-consensual manner. There is a lot more that can be said on this, but I think I'll digress if I don't move on to the next one.

5 .Friendships and Extended Kinship

Intellectual masturbation is so much fun !! More so when it's with people who reciprocate with full vigour. Further, intellectual masturbation is fun only when  people do it without a malicious intent. It is fun only if it is for the genuine and loving reasons.

And that my friend can only happen when you connect with people to be friends, to be their kin, to be their extended family, without an ulterior motive of your own. It is possible when you really love them and relate with them.

And blessed I am with so many wonderful people in my life that this thrill of connecting with people who love, share and want to be loved back is something that gives me a solid high.

6. Food - eaten with others
I am a vegetarian and much as I deny it, the fact is that I am a foodie! But I can't eat alone. I can feed myself if I'm hungry, but I don't nourish over food I can't share. A few shared morsels are good enough for my spirits (my body needs what it does), but even a plateful can sit there in my fridge for almost a week, should I have to eat alone.

And when it comes to sharing, I share it with anyone / everyone I can strike up a conversation with. My tastebuds tickled well are certainly a path for a good sleep and in turn my happy moods.

7. A thorough head massage

Warm oil, a heavy hand, preferably a masculine hand, or that of someone like a hefty / well built / tall friend, or the hand of family / extended family; is exotic. It is extremely soothing, relaxing and yet so powerfully arousing in its own way.

Not all arousal / orgasm has to necessarily manifest into cumming and trust me, this one doesn't. But the bliss after it's over is no different. It may not be about bodily fluids, but the energy, exchange is no different.

8. Work

Another aphrodisiac, specially and more so because it can really take you to a different world. A world of reality which is as surreal as a subspace after pain. It is one of those worlds that cause you to crib, enjoy the thrill, the passion, the work, all and everything at the same time.

This however at times, takes a toll on my emotional and mental well being more so when the pressure is high. But since work for its own sake is what my driving factor has always been, I work happily.

What it means is that, whether I'm paid less or more, I will usually put in my 100 percent or rather 150 % (if I'm acknowledged properly), irrespective of what I'm paid for the job. If I'm dissatisfied about everything, I'll simply quit and not be there suffering myself or making others suffer.

But the fact is that at most times, when I'm at work, I'm in that trance like state where I do not want to think anything else and when I leave from work, I will not leave it behind, because pondering over work, gives me a very different sort of a thrill - a thrill that's almost orgasmic!

9. Creating art with Hands

Creating art with hands is divine! Thanks to the upbringing I received, doing one or the other art and craft hobby class every year, I can color, I can paint a little, I can paint cloth, I can embroid, make costume jewelry, knit, sew a little, quill, write, make stuffed toys, puppets, cards and what nots.

And believe me if you will, the thrill is divine! Intoxicating, exhilarating, liberating, meditative. It is as good as any other of the factors listed above.

10. Writing Poetry

Did I tell you that this one is not about an orgasm but about survival? Well, I did, didn't I? Please say I did !!! (Pouts* )

Well poetry is existential for me. It is my essence and my existence. And by this I mean poetry as a form of expression for me. I have to write poetry to survive. I can miss out on orgasms, but not on oxygen. And a writer's block actually suffocates me, kills me inside, makes me dead and hollow.

Poetry heals, enlivens, keeps me alive, makes me survive AND gives me mind shattering orgasms!! Erotic Poetry even leads me to physical ones! And of course you can't have an orgasm unless you breathe.

Enough about my aphrodisiacs, tell me what are yours? Pretty please !

©Anupama Garg 2015 July