Saturday 23 October 2021

The House of Secrets - A review of my journey within

Trigger Warning - Discussion about mass suicide, collective psychosis, shared psychosis, mental health, and much more. This is going to be a VERY long post.

Last 3 hours were an entire journey in my entire understanding of so many things. I finally saw the House of Secrets. For all my maturity, my sensibility, my experiential acceptance of mental health challenges, I'm shaken. And, terribly so.

I started from a simple curiosity, went to a state where I wanted to throw up what I was eating, then moved into a voyeuristic inability to stop watching, simply because it was so bizzare.

I went into shock and disbelief about what happened. It felt easier to just shut this down, and not watch, and yet there was no sense of closure in not watching it till the end.

I questioned my own beliefs about faith and delusion once more, I was relieved this wasn't about me or anyone I know, or anyone close to me.

I thanked my education from my explorations into sexuality and BDSM, my understanding of consent, my support systems that encourage everyone to speak up, my ability and my sheer luck!

I felt sad about the fact that most people cannot even cry, including the men on the show, that there is no normalization of these conversations, that there is no way to avail much needed mental health facilities, and 50 thousand other social issues.

But most of it, I was apalled and saddened (even though not shocked) by two things. 1. Don't talk about 'this' to anyone (what that 'this' is, varies from people to people). 2. The inability to question anything rationally, which erases that fine line between faith and delusion.

It seemed callous to feel relief that this wasn't anyone I know even remotely. It felt spiritually totally disconnected from everything I have been raised on, everything I have evolved into. It felt like such a solid hit on my energy levels. I am exhausted.

To anyone and everyone reading this, I just want to say this...

Please TALK! About everything and anything under the sun. These conversations are unsettling, they are VERY unnerving, but they might be the only thing standing between life and death for someone.

Anupama Garg 23.10.2021