Friday, 8 March 2019

Letters of Love 3 - Dear Dr. A

This is my letter of love to Dr. A. Dr. A and my relationship was that of a mentor and a mentee at a given point of time. After so many years, my perception of right and wrong has changed. However, if anything, my emphasis on consent has only increased. This is my letter to Dr. A.

Note - Dr. A is an anonymized name for the person. Any attempts at identifying this person by anyone who reads this, are not my responsibility.

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 Dear Dr. A,

I was barely an adult when we had first met and I had a young girl's crush on you. I have a very strong feeling you knew it too and you used it to motivate me to study harder. You did not exploit that crush, you were very attentive, responsible and empowering as a fully adult man dealing with a teen.

However, at some point, you were upset to discover that I had a similar crush on someone who you thought was absolutely nowhere when compared to you. That is when you first got competitive and wanted to connect with me as a man would want to connect with a woman.

I clearly remember you telling me not to commit to any young man unless I really knew what I was getting into and that they might take me for a ride. However, when you grew competitive with a young man I chose to briefly experiment / explore with, you were willing to take me for a ride :D

For sometime I was upset. For the remaining, I just ignored you.Till we reconnected years later that is. However, your insistence on some or the other sort of physical / sexual intimacy or sexting / or talks didn't wane really.

All said and done, this letter of love is not about making a monster of you and a saint of me :D For the simple reason that you're not a monster. You're a human being. You're a man. You have various other references to contexts about why you behave, the way you behave.

I have written this letter of love to tell you that to me, you're a possibility. A possibility of being connected with people, a possibility of communicating authentically, which I might have done years earlier, had I known how to.

This letter of love is not about who did what and why. We did what we did, when we did it and or whatever reason we did it for. Both you and me.

This letter of love is about the fact that you and I are no longer in touch. We don't necessarily have to really be friends, that's certainly a possibility too :) However, this letter is more for completing what we left incomplete. What I left incomplete was I just gave up on the possibility of you ever getting my perspective. What I left incomplete was that I never trusted you to understand and respect my no. What I gave up on was the hope that you would truly understand my respect, affection without adding a sexual inuendo to it. Today I open up all those possibilities again.

I invite you to a possibility of being connected again. What you choose to do with these possibilities, is for you to choose. I write this letter of love to be free and be who I truly am. A person, a woman, a loving friend, a non-sexualized, non-objectified person.

Welcome to the world of love Dr. A.

Much love,
Anupama

© Anupama 2019


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