Thursday 10 March 2022

Depression - How do I become normal again

This one came in the anonymous inbox.

Q - Hi Anupama.. I am 40+, a working woman. Have been suffering from depression for the last 10 years. I have lost interest in everything including sex. Once I was a creative person. How can I be normal again.

A - Hi,
First off, I must clarify that I am not a trained mental health professional. I share from my personal, lived experience, both as a mental health patient as well a partial caregiver for others. I also share from the experiences of other patients, caregivers, and from my study, discussions with experts in the mental health space.

So, please do not consider my opinion to be an alternative for professional help. However, if my response helps you in choosing the right course for yourself, I would have fulfilled the purpose of this series of posts.

1. Please consider that 10 years is a lot of time. It's a lot of good energy wasted, a lot of joy missed out on. That said, I'm fully aware that mental health is not an easy path to pursue. There could have been reasons related to financial affordability, access to good doctors (depending on where you're based), and also stigma and taboos because of misinformation.

I do not know if you have sought professional help in the past or not. If you have not, then please reevaluate and see why not, and if you can seek it now.

2. It is natural to lose interest in everything, including some of the things and hobbies you enjoyed the most. It is also natural to lose interest in sex. Does your partner know you're dealing with depression?

In an ideal scenario, one must tell one's family, friends, and support systems. That leads to mutual expectation setting and can ease off the pressure on the patient significantly.

Stressing about the loss of interest and libido causes further depression and vice versa in my limited experience. It then becomes a self perpetuating cycle, one you may not want to get caught up in.


3. "How can I be normal again?" Well, what I will say next, might not sound very regular. Feel free to reject this if that's what you feel. There is nosingular way of coping with these things, so it's perfectly OK to feel like this doesn't make sense.

What is really normal? Do you want to consider 'functional' instead, or 'lively' maybe, or 'happy' perhaps. Normal is what normal feels. The public definition is a 'norm', 'normative', even if it feels abnormal and fake to you. The so-called normal is driven by majority, I do not see any reason to judge yourself on that basis. So, if it's OK with you, I will share more on how to feel 'lively / happy / functional / etc.' again.
4. Given what I said above, here are a few tips:
Get a full health check up done. Sugar, hypothyroidism, Vit D deficiency, Obesity spectrum, all the usual culprits. Health in combination of mental health can be a cyclic process. Rule out the physical undiagnosed factors first, if any exist.
If you can afford and have access to a good therapist, you MUST consult one. There is absolutely no substitute to this. Post-Covid mental health treatments and access to experts has changed a lot. Online consultations have become possible. Consider those options, in case your town or city doesn't provide you great options.
You may not find the right counselor / doctor match instantly. It can take some time to find the expert best suited to your needs. Also, even then, the results are no magic. So be patient, both with yourself and the process.
Identify your triggers. See what triggers your depression. Identify your patterns. Are there specific events in your life, specific seasons, months of the year, time of the month when you feel particularly depressed. Are there people who trigger your sadness, issues you might be unable to address.
Create a routine of self -care. This could be anything - makeup, dressing up, eating tasty but healthy, reading, meditation, some new art form (something you haven't done in the past), exercise. By the way exercise really does help a lot.
However, this may not be easy. It can feel mechanical, it can feel disinteresting, It can feel boring, tiring, and a lot of other things. But it needs to be slowly done. Bit by bit.
See that your emotional and intellectual needs - friendships, hugs, solidarity, simple affection, quiet companionship can be met. At least some of them, and gradually work towards more. You might want to pick a social cause, new friendships, or not. Depends on how you feel energetically and otherwise.

Please understand that any of the things I have shared above are not prescriptive. These are some of the things I have tried, I have supported family and friends with, and we have seen results eventually.

For your specific needs, you need to work on yourself with someone trained in the process, on a regular basis, for some time consistently. That's something I strongly believe in - the combination of self-work and professional support.

I am really happy that you haven't given up on your mental health and accepted - 'aisa hi hai'. I really hope you find some ideas in this list and beyond that you would try and that would give you desirable results.

Much love.

#mentalhealth_notes_anupama - Note 9

©Anupama Garg 2022

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